This morning, just before the alarm went off, I opened my left eye too quickly and tore open the old wound in the vitreous jelly of my eye. Perhaps 'wound' is too extreme. It's a tiny vertical cut caused by inadvertently poking my eye with the plastic tab from a pair of sunglasses in TK Maxx in Croydon - you will remember that I had to drive home with my eyes mostly closed, with you shouting stop-start directions and navigating. It was serious enough that I had to go to the eye hospital at St Thomas's. I like visiting hospitals as it brings to mind the opening sequence of one of my favourite childhood TV programmes, The Six Million Dollar Man, and makes me feel studied and important. Still, I didn't enjoy it enough to want to recreate the experience by poking myself in the other eye. It's healed now but it hurts when it sometimes reopens (usually in winter, when I've had the central heating on and the air in the house is very dry), and it makes my eye flood with tears.
In light of the conclusions you drew yesterday about your auditory hallucinations, I thought perhaps the universe was opening my eye onto another realm. Now we have one eye open, two ears open, and a mouth open here to tell the world about our paranormal investigations.
We need to get on and recreate some of these investigations for our readers before the universe tears us a new arsehole. Have you seen the trailer for Of Dolls and Murder? Dioramas have been created using real-life crime for CSI students. Assuming that our readers are students of the paranormal, or at any rate interested in our investigations, we could consider creating a diorama of the paranormal. When I say 'we' I mean you.